He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
