Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
