Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
