the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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