Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
