Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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