I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
