If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
