tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
