i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
