there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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