im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
