im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
