I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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