The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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