I can feel you judging me through the phone.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
