hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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