I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
