I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
