I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
