that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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