The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
