i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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