It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
