I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
