Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
