i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
