i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
