two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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