he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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