I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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