I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
