Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
