dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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