Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
