I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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