atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
