I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
