His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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