I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize