she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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