I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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