I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
