I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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