Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
