It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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