M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
