Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
