To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We just shotgunned beers for America
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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