I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
