btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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