Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
