cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
