Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
