A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
