I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
