just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Acid is not a monday night drug
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
