I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
