He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
