I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
