why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
