my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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