You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
