well most of my day revolves around power hour
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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