just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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