If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She bit a glass in half.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
