he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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