i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just gargled with NyQuil
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
