This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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