Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize