tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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